poems | kate burns poetry

on the edge

(a little short of dying)

my heart pounds against its cage

five times in a single second -

an eternity on the edge

my ears are canyons

reverberating the symphony of blood

as it gushes on ahead of the conductor

Live

the eternal chant

of blood

and breath

and bone

mais je voudrais

le petit mort

so.

close.

the muscles in my calf

stretch up toward the sky,

reaching out in impatience

for a nonexistent deity

expectation

teasing me closer still

desperate

to feel the rush of air

as my body, rigid

falls through its bones

a traveler's true colors

in a sunset exists

every shade and tint and hue

of goodbye

a re-creation of longing

of missing (out)

the sun does not simply set,

but abandons the world

once again

an inimitable explosion of

color and emotion

blazing, breath-taking, beguiling, brief

the blue sky bewildered anew

at the whim

of a single star,

one scarlet-fire desire

Explore.

every inch of the earth’s

cerulean-jade surface

through the indigo depths of space

all that exists

beyond the horizon

Explore.

the act itself

an inextinguishable inferno

shining white-bright

in the deep-dyed darkness

of absence, of night

just one more foot

and then another

a body lifted

down to earth

fallen angel; broken spirit

of yet undetermined worth

gifted a new life in death

the chance to be reborn

Womb of Darkness; ever shrouded

through which -

from love’s arms -

this first of many lives is torn

otthon

Home is a sunlit

california mountain range

on a bittersweet day

it’s clipped wings

fresh oranges

and a heart full of rain

a series of

forgotten moments

perpetually on replay

and a broken dime store jukebox

once owned by a woman

who couldn’t be tamed

it’s everything i thought i wanted

but nothing i’ll ever need

and yet,

no matter how far i run

it seems

i can never get away

though it always gets away from me

in wild dreams i sleep

erratic sheets

and unkempt thoughts

create

visions of a future

I know

uncertain though

i may otherwise be

is meant for me alone

the creation of the universe

in waking hours - when light fills all

seems less a task

than lucid prophecies

of what must be still born

beneath dark lids

and the foreboding

of a darker past

to no child shall my fate lay claim

unheard newborn cries

but rather,

the desperate irrevocable change

of all the world

by and by

too far gone

your hand

pulls me back

from the entrance

of my grave

yet six feet under

i can barely hear

you calling my name

i'm sorry, but i think

this time

it's too late

the beauty of mortality

and if i could but realize

i’ve only ever wanted that

which never wanted me

i might with true eyes

one day see

that happiness is not a

thing we find

but rather,

like a lock without a key

snowless winter

summer-less rain

painless love

or an endless day

life be nothing more or less

than that which we perceive

and without doubt

shall end in death

else forsake all quality

wandering

i once knew a woman

with no name

who traveled the world

searching in vain

for a place to call home

and a heart to tame

but the world

is no genie

and gave her instead

a story to tell

and expectations to shed

invisible bars

i’m shackled to a life

i refuse to believe exists

i wake each morning

begging for release

wondering when

if

i’ll ever be free

never will i ever

walk without fear

of all that could happen

should the wrong man appear

never will i ever

know how it feels

to be seen as impenetrable

as if made of steel

never will i ever

live in a world

where i will be praised

for running

or hitting

or succeeding

“like a girl”

never will i ever

be number one

for sitting down

and just getting it done

never will i ever

know what it’s like

to live at the top

and bask in that light

never will i ever

be anything

but what I am

a woman

a female

and - in the eyes of men -

a second-class

citizen

to live always

i cannot imagine

a worse fate

than to live always

in darkness

with only the idea

of light

in one's mind,

one's memory

to keep the cold

at bay

but then,

my imagination

makes no claim

to the divine

and is not,

perhaps,

even mine

what it means to be

flung about by the trees

brought to my knees

before the unquenchable power

of the seas

the sky and the earth

collapse upon my

fragile frame

reminding me for always

what it means to be humane

all i know

i learned from where

men dare not go

for fear of speaking out

for years i shut my mouth

internalized my pain

and so, immortalized their shame

i know no other way

for this life to play out

than cowered darkness

on display

the perpetuity of non-existence

set ablaze

desperate whispers in my head

unintelligible and vain

beseech me to give in

staking their claim

laid out underground

alone at last

the screams leave my body

a healing balm against an unchangeable past

choice

one got the career

the other, the man

and if forced to choose

between the two...

i'd live out my lonely days

happily

with pen in hand

creative courage

i scribble down

haphazard thoughts

upon a page

hoping,

one day,

to be great

one day,

to be brave

line my coffin

with the bones

of the women

buried alive

before their time

mourn not

the loss of one

poor soul

but the death

of All

we could not bear

to live with

a woman's perspective on Sonnet 138

such foolish men i take into my bed

so eager to hear all manner of lies

that sweet as honey fall from tongue to head

and complete the ruse with virginal sighs

vainly they believe these counterfeit truths

that do appease their egos with each stroke

and thusly satisfy these would-be youths

with so much more than just a simple poke

tis my lot to crown the dry heads of men

with liquid gold and streams of precious gems

but both we know they only come again

for the truths i do in my bed condemn

and when i lie with them and they with me

we exist each in our own fantasy

smile

"you need to be more friendly,"

a man once told me

smiling

right before he sold me

memories

and now even the most tender caress

incites the phantom pain again

of his hand on my neck

and the thrust of a knife

into my broken

f l Es. h

to scare the monsters away

and now i live to terrify...

you underestimate

the danger of

prying

into my mind

breaking

into my body

forgetting

my humanity

if i can't kill as easily

at least,

i can kill

as suredly

and if you find me terrifying

blame those who did

terrible things

because they saw a 'thing'

when i only ever saw 'Me'

unconscious desire

if there were ever a day

i could walk away

from all that I am

and all that i’ve been

everything

i’ve so longed

to forget

make no mistake

not a pause would i take

but

with laces untied

and sack unpacked

i’d take that first step

out

onto an unmarked path

to waste away

the rest of my days

searching in glorious vain

for a life

over which

i alone would reign

light me up

and I’ll welcome the flames

like old friends

“i’ve known you before”

i’d say

“and i’ll know you again…

one day”

directionless

and what of thoughts

still unthunk

by all the world

in space and time

where language matters not

and what of reason

what of rhyme

what of all

we seek to find

for life goes on

and ends abrupt

whether god or science

or Self

is served

is loved

all my favorite men

all my favorite men are dead

and oft do i take

their corpses to bed

bodies that have long decayed

now pose no threat

to my desire to rest

and while their hearts and minds and souls remain

of and on this earth

they are - by rights - mine to take

to do with what i like

all that is left of their lives

and so, i take them

however i please

morning, noon, and night

some might cry

'but what of consent!'

to which i shall waste not my breath

nor hold my pen

happy in the knowledge

of my own intent

for unlike many alive today

and those long dead

whose unbled corpses

line my shelves

and fill the unclaimed spaces

in my head

the advantages i take

are not at the expense

of subjects objectified

beyond all reason and sense

but rather, objects

to which i can readily subject

my insatiable lust

for all that they have

and all that i must

the world may well be dimmer

had these 'great' men

never lived,

but in death

they finally pose my dear sisters

no immediate threat

and at least, like this

their past faults are easier to forget

if not altogether forgive

for the last time

i thought your name

for the last time

last night

it felt good to say goodbye

call last call

on the claim

your name once laid

to my heart

walk away from

all your unwinnable games

il y a beaucoup de vent

weightless is a danger

at the speeds at which

i fly

and the freedom felt

only moments ago

now chains me to

the possibility of death

with each

unexpected gust

of heavenly breath

surrounded on all sides

by an enemy

ever disguised

as simply the world

around which

my wings now spin

i know

as sure as I am still alive

that i cannot win

if it were fire

i could fight

water

i could swim

even the earth itself

can be conquered

by those who will only begin

but air

is a force of nature

still unknown to man

and one

even a woman

cannot withstand

runaway

could it be

that you and i

were always meant to flee

far from our fate:

the rusted chains

of this paltry reality

evidence

the scratches

tell a story:

where i've been

but also,

what i did

and what was done

to me -

with and without

my consent

misogyny

a circle of judgement

hangs around my life

chaining me to a sentence

worse than death

my worth

determined

by the prejudice of men

i’ve never met

were i to instead aspire

to their expectations

and desires

in my own eyes, at least,

i’d be worth less

no longer a person,

but an object to possess

insatiable greed

you worship the female form

then fight for the right

to tear it apart

walk away unscathed

from the bloody and broken thing

you create

from nothing but a sick fantasy

and insatiable greed

toxic masculinity

i've never seen my father cry

what has that done to me,

i wonder?

how fucked up

are my heart and mind

because i've never seen

my father cry

perhaps it's time

perhaps it’s time

for past due time

to rewrite the rules

cross that line

for the sands of time

are all but dry

and there is much still to do

before the waves of change

break over listless minds

vows for a summer love

were i could find another

quite so wonderful as you

my eye could not be caught

nor my heart made to beat more true

the sun could catch another's hair

like the glisten of the dew

and still my love would be strongest

for you and only you

the robin's song could fly

from lips as petals soft

but unlike my feelings for thee

its melody would be lost

i know of only thine eyes

and oh, thy smile -

my heart's prize

i am baptized in your love

and do confirm with certainty

you are all that i want

you are all that i need

until the skies turn grey and cold

you are the only one for me

love sick

your name is a cancer

in my mind

spreading quickly

growing steadily

if i had caught it early

would you have gone away?

or continued still

to leech the life

from my veins

i sicken in pieces -

first my heart

then my mind

one by one

until i’ve lost all

but the will to

think of you still

were a cure to be found

perhaps -

perhaps i could be saved

but fate will have its say

i’ll die with your name on my lips

and in my mind, your face

erupt

bury me in ash

for like Pompeii

i too am doomed

to fall prey

to nature's inevitable desires

the pressure builds

not far away

uncontrollable and wild

i know

a fiery death awaits

however fleeting it may be

and yet,

i'd die again each day

for the chance

to feel it erupt

within me

at peace

seven feet underground

i can finally hear the sound

of a heart beating in excitement

rather than fear

for once, in the nude

the scent of solitude

hangs lightly

in the air

beneath closed lids

i see what once was hid

on lips for which up was down

and down is now up

in the dark

there is a light

once lost in life

and the end

is blissfully here

stay

2am, and the chill in the air -

indifferent to my wishes

unconcerned with my resistance -

molests my exposed flesh

the strains of the bass thumping

and men humping

women whose hearts are unconscious

stalk me out of a bar

i never should have entered

desperate to erase the pain

i drag my hands along the walls

that lead the way

ripping them open

from knuckle to wrist

begging into the void

for the music

and the memories

the sounds

the screams

the ear-splitting soundless pleas

to stop

but a traitorous inner voice persists

whispering fear into my heart

cruelly insisting

'it will never get better'

'they will never get better'

'this world will never get better'

'nothing will ever get better'

the realization is a burglar

breaking and entering my body

taking all the hope i had left

and leaving me, empty,

with nothing but a scrap of unwanted truth:

this life,

this body

are a purgatory from which

no amount of prayer will

ever

enable me to escape

.

a bloody trail

leads to the middle of an unlit bridge

and the girl

who couldn't stop wondering

'what are you supposed to do

when you no longer want to live

but are too afraid to die?'

is gone.

inevitable

fleeting moments

glimpses

of the life we could lead

me loving you

you caring about me

my toothbrush stood by your sink

until the day that i left

or maybe the day after

or the one after that

i'll never know

the exact moment

you threw it away

or the feelings, the memories

and the welcome they overstayed

i didn't want to leave

but i left all the same

i broke your heart

and in return,

you forgot my very name

unattainable

no matter how high i climb

the bar is ever

just out of reach

even at the top

it seems

i must learn how to fly

if i would succeed

but women are not birds

and it’s no secret that

Victoria’s wings don’t work

like they should

weighing us down

instead of lifting us

into the clouds

perhaps if i jumped…

i start to think

maybe the tip of my finger

at least

could brush up against

all that i strive to be

can ideals be transferred

or is flesh too thick

for magic to get in?

i wonder and prepare

to faithfully leap

from the secure perch

I and my dedication have

worked so diligently

to reach

but at the last moment

i look down

finally un-dazzled by the glory

of what lies just above

my ability to try

i now see

the harsh reality

the ground below littered

with shattered dreams

the broken bodies of every woman

who came before me

those foolish, courageous few

who desired to model

the roles

we’re expected to assume

i heed their warning

and turn from my fate

hated for my choice

and the sacrifice

i refuse to make

pointless

money isn’t a root

but an insignificant leaf

on the tree of men’s greed

were i to be anything other

than what i am

were i to lead a different life

or wear another’s skin

perhaps i would be better

more successful

loving

brave

and kind

i would do great things -

people would know

and the world would remember

my name

or perhaps i would be worse

less thoughtful

gracious

intelligent

and tame

i would do terrible things -

people would know

and the world would remember

my name

perhaps it makes no difference -

as i do believe -

who we are

what we say

and less so,

what we achieve

for names are lost to time

and flesh rots away

the rights we protect are wronged

and wrongs are righted ‘ere long

this life is but a cycle

none can break

and in the end

death comes for us all,

one and the same

i know now

maybe i needed to be lost

to find the life

i almost drowned

at the bottom

of a hopelessness

so traumatically profound

i strayed from my own personhood

and discarded what i loved

i forgot the name i once was called

and worshipped gods

neither below nor above

but the path

i never would have chosen

if i knew what was to come

brought me here

to this very day

and all that i’ve become

the light in me

eradicates the darkness

that had consumed my soul

and there’s a strength

to my vulnerability

i alone control

one that no would-be Hercules

could ever conquer or defeat

I am worthy of respect

and always have been

i know now

I am a person

I am complete

i know that girl

her pain is my own

but not mine alone

it’s shared by all the women

who have suffered

and been struck down

by the stones

sinful men throw

hope knows not

i fail and fail and

fail again

i never get it right

i can’t seem to win

but hope knows not

of shallow sorrows

so i think i’ll continue

to try

for, at least

the rest of my Tomorrows

the eyes i fear

i walk alone

looking for peace

the chance to breathe

forgetting, again

I am a woman

their stares intrude upon my solitude

they watch me as i pass by

and it scares me.

i can see myself in their eyes

the image of it -

of me -

haunts my thoughts

both awake and asleep

because what they see

isn't even a human being

my body

reflected in their eyes

is just another

unlikely possibility

a challenge to be accepted

a war to be fought

one more shot

at a perverse victory

their fantasies -

my nightmares -

are written across their faces

like words on a page

of a book I hope to never read

for if i ever did..

if i were to look at me

and only see what they see

i fear

it would be

the very end

of my humanity

of Me.

the mind that dares

between the pages

of a printed soul

my heart finds ease

even as my mind races on -

a baited bull

uncertain of what’s coming

yet instinctively responding

the pull to charge

no holds barred

at a flash of color in the distance

with unwavering persistence

for no other purpose than to see

whether a new life

or death awaits

the mind that dares

with an animal courage

to pull back that fatal curtain

and -

even if timidly -

peek

and -

even if stutteringly -

read

a sad truth

some people were not made for love

we bite the very hand that tries to feed us

and wonder why we starve

i don't know myself

i lost her

somewhere down a road

i never wanted to go

the thoughts in my head

are sometimes mine

sometimes not

and sometimes they're

not even thoughts

the beating of my heart

feels foreign in a chest

that was never meant to open

but must have at one point -

because i can see through

every violent crack

every memory is clouded -

if they're even mine to claim -

they stay only as long as they like

and then, suddenly, go away

but there was a girl

i can still remember

once, long ago

who knew for certain

who she was

and in her body

felt at home

she seems now

but a fantasy

a fairytale told

to make life seem more tolerable

as the world grows cold

the hell women live

terror

is the shame

of having been afraid

but also, the anger

that comes with knowing

had anything happened

you would have been to blame

the mediocrity of humanity

our own insignificance

haunts us

all our days

and while we live them out

it lingers in the ground

waiting patiently

in its own time

for just the right moment

to pounce

tangled up inside myself

a mind of vines

strangling all reason and sense

has me

wishing

waiting

hoping

for death

monsters

we talk of vampires

and you think it's silly i'm afraid

but i know monsters exist

for i learned my lesson long ago

and the body

i used to think of as my own

wasn't the only price i paid

there are no gods

only demons

from a hell of our own making

they torture us

because they can

because we're all so needy

there are no miracles

only promises

we all continue breaking

until every heart's a mess

until every soul is bleeding

there is no joy

there is no love

only emotions we're all faking

for life is empty of all purpose

barren of all meaning

when the dust settles

all the good intentions in the world

can't change what has been done

and justice - that poor old chap

can't fight a war that's won

I am a woman

i cannot be alone

i cannot simply exist

I am a woman

it just isn't my lot in life

though it is my deepest wish

the war drum of my body

the language of my heart

is violence

it's both the music

and the dance

an organ of destruction

a soldier in my chest

each beat is an attack

another brush with death

the war drum of my body

forever crying out

kill all who cannot understand

kill all -

even those we cannot live without

where the love sneaks in

they say

there's a distinction
between

your soul and mine

but i can't quite distinguish

or even really find

the place where yours ends

and mine begins

...is it there

where all the love

sneaks in?

what happens to women who trust

do you know what happens

to a woman

who dares to trust

any man so much

she would fall asleep

beside him -

lay

unconscious &

vulnerable

in his bed

the earth opens itself up

to swallow her whole

burn her flesh

to the bone

with a hellfire's lust

and return her

to this world

little more than dust

- womanhood is, itself, the eighth circle of hell

violated

i hate this body

i'm forced to live in

i know it wants me dead

it tells me all the time

i hear its whispers in my head

i hate this mind

i can't escape

every thought is like a knife

carving away

at the ropes that bind me

to my own discarded life

i hate this heart that beats

so haphazardly in my chest

doesn't it know its days are numbered

doesn't it realize i couldn't care less

if i have a soul

i hate that too

if for no other reason

than it's also a part of me -

just one more thing

for broken men to screw

if there is a maker to be met

one day when i'm free

i'll spit in his fucking face

and treat him no better

than this world has treated me

take back the night

is there more

to life

than dead neon

on a soulless night

ask not the men

who prowl these streets

and see only flesh

only choice

pieces of meat

barely enough for me

i wish i was

a million things

i can't quite describe

like the way

a smile

changes the shape

of your face

or how

the light in your eyes

shines brighter

than heaven

to those who don't stand

a chance in hell

of getting in

i wish i was

the hymn of praise

on the curve of your lips

the one

that you save

for all those

moments when

i wish i was

the night

to cover

your sins

but also the sun

to shine down on

your soul

a blinding aura of gold

i wish i was

the sound

your heart makes

when it breaks

i'd stay silent

forever

but never stray

too far away

i wish i was

the color of the sky

on a bleak, gloomy day

for then

only a mind like yours

would love me

only your heart

would beg me to stay

i wish i was

and could be

all of this for you

but i can barely breathe

for me,

let alone

exist for two

beginnings

how to write

about a romance

just begun

impossible to claim

him - yet

as the one

but his smile

creates a vacuum

where potential can exist

and his eyes

disarm a heart

cloaked still in darkness

and i can almost feel it

rotting away inside me

this death that grows slowly

so slowly

that when it comes

i'm not just prepared

but happy

i can't wait to greet it

smiling

as i scream in pain

thinking of a name

while the body decays

what to call this

festering fatality

this end to life

as i've always known it

and never will again

i feel the sickness

pulling me in

with every push

it becomes less and less clear

whether life or death

awaits my next breath

i enter the darkness

and leave my own body

the screams from within

now without

without

for nothing is left within

nothing

but a hollow, empty

space where

nothing

now exists

the cord is cut

the bond broken

and yet, i find myself

more connected than ever

tied forever

to the death

i gave life

in every Ever

this world is Ever changing

Ever creating

and recreating

Everything we see

but of all the Evers

that have Ever been

and Ever still will be

Every place

Every person

and Every point in time

that will nEver come again

it's your face

and your face alone

that forEver

sets me free

drawn to the light

he lit the world on fire

with every breath he took

and i -

drawn to his light

and the warmth

of his blazing pain -

stood perhaps

too close

the flames danced

across my life -

past

present

and

future

burning it all

to the ground

a holy fire

of my heart's desire

allowing us both

to begin anew

preyed upon

and without warning

the hunt was on...

a friendly foe/false friend

leapt from under cover

of my trust

i made no decision

but surrendered my spirit

and lost

more than he won

the time it needs to heal

i don't know what to do

with my heart

i don't know what to do

with its pain

even less what to do

with its love

it breaks itself

then continues on

ignoring the cracks and fractures

that'll never heal

simply because

it'll never stop

i wonder what i'll do

when it completely falls apart

the girl i couldn't save

I am haunted

by the girl i couldn't save

the one whose name

still lingers on my lips

a reminder of

who i was

when he did

what he did

her figure lives

in my memory

broken and spent

because she can't pass on

i can never forget

her pain

her fear

the silence of

her tears

the ghosts

i grow to know

more intimately

with each passing year

the moon stayed in the sky

an entire lifetime that night

and by morning

she was dead

a loss

only i observed

a failure

i alone regret

overshare

you share too much

I know

this darkness that's inside your soul

I know

it can't be tolerated

tamed

or taught

I know

yet you open it up

to scrutiny and thought

I know

disregard its fractured whole

I know

and just like you share,

you expect too much

I know

from a world that understands so little

of the intricate mysteries

inside black holes

I know...

a blank page

and in those moments

where i can't make sense

of the jumbled screams

inside my head

the pleading of my heart

for me to understand

what i've never known

or else

give in and let go

i run toward the emptiness

with outstretched hands

begging for some solace

a small piece of universe

where i can rest, if only

until i once again

figure out how

to simply exist

for some, the glare

of a blank page

is daunting -

a torment to the soul

for me, it

is calming -

an unburdening of all

i wish to both

known and unknow

i would leave me if i could

what don't you understand?

what don't you seem to get?

i would leave me if i could

i would disappear like that

walk away from "me" -

whatever that or I

still mean -

and consider myself lucky

to finally be free

you want to stay

or so you think,

but i wouldn't even look back

for one last peek

you love the sound of my name

in your mouth

but i've already forgotten it

more times than i can count

you see, you've never seen

the me i hide behind

sheets of swollen eyes

you can't fathom the dim light

of a hemorrhaging heart

that continues to beat

solely out of spite

you'll never know the monsters

i've brought into my bed;

or the ones who stayed

and made themselves at home

in my head

you can't feel the scars i hide

on the most private parts

of my soul and mind

the burns i sustained

when i reached for the stars

and they all pulled away

or the thrust of a knife

in my innocent days

trusting the wrong man

and foolishly believing

i could ever be ok

you want to hold me close

i wish i could push myself away

you want to love me forever

i want to die today

captive

i've been talked at

by men

i'd only just met

lost hundreds of hours

i'll never get back

prey in a trap

society sets

to hold us all captive

with compliments and threats

the beauty of poetry

with poetry

you don't need

characters and plots

you need only

feelings and thoughts

a lover's autopsy

i second guess everything

all that i know

some that i won't

and even more that i don't

i tear at the seams

at the back of my neck

that hold whatever's left

of me together

i feel the need to reach inside my heart

rip it out of my chest

beg it to stop beating

to please, please

give me just a moment's rest

pulverize whatever piece of my mind

decided this was best

replace it with something less careless

perhaps a textbook

or an old copy of reader's digest

i can't think straight

with all the fluttering i feel

the sparks that seared my skin

and refuse now to heal

so don't be surprised

if my autopsy shows

a toaster oven in my chest cavity

and a whale's blow hole

where my brain should go

"good" guys

how do you not understand?

most don't do it because they hate us

they do it because they can

overwhelmed

i can't write

when life is too full

every moment

stolen from my mind

is given to

an endless time

that will only be forgot

perhaps I am happy

but then, perhaps not

until i put paper to pen

i know only

that i cannot know

all that i ought

rape

the tornado inside me

destroyed everything

i once loved;

and though i didn't move

the entire night,

by morning

i was gone

like a misshapen tree

i've experienced pain

my gnarled branches

speak not of shame

but obstacles overcame

conflicted

how do i

live in constant fear

of men

but then also, love them

also choose

to bring them

into my bed

- asking for a friend

i wait now

for my second death

my first has come and gone

the tree of childhood has been cut

and though this severance was violent

a brutal bloody mess

i prefer what i've become

two poets, one pain

our styles,

desires,

lives

are different

but oh -

how similar is the pain

of being brave

of boldly

laying claim

to the truth

too many

turn away

from

truth

that takes

an act of courage

just to name

and requires

still more

to live

every single day

the life i waste

my life has become

defined

by the things i

don't want

the moments i

would unlive

if i could

everything i

would take back

toss out

undo

i exist

in a negative space

consumed by

all that is missing

all that i

would replace

my fears -

not my joys -

are where i

spend my days

and the loneliness i

can't escape

comforts the life i

waste

the enemy

tiny soldiers on my legs

grow fierce and strong

what war were you sent to fight?

whose damn side are you on?

these aren't the thighs of a woman

hairless and soft

i'm ashamed because my body

can't quite figure out

to whom it belongs

dark and thick and coarse

i feel like a man

so i take a razor to my skin

and strip away all i can

i carve myself up

like a thanksgiving turkey

ready to be consumed

until i can see muscle

and tissue

blood oozing

and bones breaking

beneath the weight

of all the hate

i hold inside

for me and only me

i try to talk to men. i do.

it's not the words

they do or don't say

it's my complete inability

to determine

with any certainty

their level of sincerity

that so terrifies me

every. fucking. day.

sane?

have you ever dreamt

of taking a hammer to your skull

just to watch all the broken pieces

shatter and fall

maybe not while i was asleep

but the thought has crossed my mind

several times

while lying awake at night

and another dozen or so more

while waiting in line

at the grocery store

madness is a poison we drink to forget

i dig and i dig and i dig

until the world doesn't make

any more sense

until the thought i end on

is no different than

the one i started with

but leads me to believe

the exact opposite

and every thought in between

is racing along

trying to outpace

the facts i've been taught

how can truth

set us free

when we don't even know

what that means

what does it mean?

what does anything mean?

meaningful

meaningless

menial

men in denial

man on an isle

finding meaning

where none exists, creating

tracks to run

races to win

fabricating a significance

to stave off

the overwhelming dread

of inescapable

hopelessness

where will this train

take us next?

to paradise... or

over the edge of a cliff...

if only i could get off

at the next stop

oh, but what

a silly little wish

the shovel i grasp so tight

IS my mind

and even were i miles above the ground

traveling at the speed of sound

i'd have no choice

but to dig

and dig

the very grave

they'll bury my body in

when every thought

i've ever had

reaches its

unnatural end

the musings of dogs

look at that pussy

on the wall

do you think she'd come

if i call

maybe so,

maybe not

but now i've got

a better thought

i'll grab that little pussy

by the tail

won't it be funny

to hear her wail

the scale

how much would i weigh if my bones were covered in truth rather than skin?

how much more would it seem if lies curtained my eyes rather than the locks i'm caged within?

words escape me

and they frame me

keep me safe

and leave me

completely

open

vulnerable to

attack and threat

wishing

i had held my breath

kept my thoughts

to myself

except

to lie

lie so that the truth

would not weigh me down

a rope around my neck

strangling

my only chance

for the world to accept

me

as I...

am?

perhaps

i should

just start

again

Alejandro

names written in sand

capture childhood in hand

"follow me"

they say in a language

adults no longer understand

follow, follow still

let empty minds now fill

to a place where dreams

create reality

and reasons rhyme

to the best of their ability

for here,

unlike the world of grown men -

that broken globe

held together by shattered hands -

the waves of time

erase only mistakes

leaving untethered joy

in abundance

for all to partake

come much slower

feelings mine through

thoughts that scatter

as light touches

what lay hidden away

pain

but also, love

also

a small child

at play

i'm afraid

what you'll find

if you keep

coming closer

so please

keep your distance

or if you must,

at least

come much slower

there was love

in the longing

the desire

for you

there was passion

in the fighting

the anger

that cut through

there was hate

in the hurting

the pain

you caused

there were moments

i couldn't bear

any of it

at all

there was more

than i could stand

but still

i refused to sit

there was you

and there was me

until there was nothing

but a break we couldn't fix

the highest bidder

at 20 years old

i sold my tears

to the highest bidder

and starved to death

a week later

if

if i tell you

if i let you in

at this hour

to my darkest sins

what will it matter

if you liked me once

you won't anymore

i know it in my bones

in the depths of my dead soul

for who could love

such heinous thoughts?

who could withstand

all i cannot?

what we lose; what we gain

children think

across space and time

vast thoughts

caught off guard

stretching out

beyond my ability

to dream

to write

to rhyme

adults think-dive

into the depths

of the world's

emotional oceans

where they sit and wait

with unfathomable patience

for all the children

to join them

women are god

man as the creator?

more like

men as traitors

stealing abilities

in fictional spaces

passing off as fact

the desire they all have

to be more than they are

more than they can give

a rib is not a womb

nor can a man create

the very life

he sits to question

the significance of

ponder his insubordinate fate

wonder why

the universe's power

rests not in his fragile hands

but between the powerful thighs

of an even more powerful

Woman

subjugation

domination

objectification

misappropriation

the tools

they use

to conquer bodies

ravage minds

belie the demons

lurking inside

and wait

inexhaustibly

yet fruitlessly

like the barren rods

they seek to glorify

for the day

they control

the future

of our kind

i may not have jumped

off the pier in my despair

but i'll drown a body one day

in the words i create

to fill every place

where i once

took up space

where i once

believed i could be

fully me

without considering

the consequences

what that might mean

old photographs

faces

attack

senses

i lack

suddenly strange

unremembered names

pictures

distort

memories

of war

missing time

abandoned crimes

hearts

blur

everything

i abhor

long-forgotten pain

all that remains

dreams of an untouchable me

i live in a world of hands

reaching

groping

stroking

hands

poking

prodding

judging

calling

hands

demanding

i obey

touch you here

then go over there

but no,

not too far away

handsome

isn't handy

when the weight of a million hands

covers every decent-looking face

i'd try to hide

but hands can find

me

even in the darkest place

untouchable

is what i dream of

in the moments i devour

before a hand reaches out

to snatch whatever makes me, me

away

for in a world of

wayward hands

only the untouchable

are safe

we owe each other a lot

whether we know one another or not

our humanity depends

on treating all like they were friends

and forgiving - what at first

may seem unforgivable -

in the end

my why

i write

because i don't know how

to survive

without a litany of words

incessantly escaping

my mind

also, men are garbage

men are garbage

aren't they?

or have i simply been too busy

taking out the trash

to see

that society

has thrown mankind -

or at least half -

out with the water

it deigned to create

when the muddy sins

of generations past

waded one day

into a rather unwelcoming bath

7 word story

She conquered the world.

They hated her.

kate burns

trauma healing poetry for women

on the edge

(a little short of dying)

a traveler's true colors

just one more foot

otthon

in wild dreams i sleep

too far gone

the beauty of mortality

wandering

invisible bars

never will i ever

to live always

what it means to be

all i know

for fear of speaking out

choice

creative courage

line my coffin

a woman's perspective on Sonnet 138

smile

memories

to scare the monsters away

unconscious desire

​

light me up

directionless

all my favorite men

for the last time

il y a beaucoup de vent

runaway

evidence

misogyny

insatiable greed

toxic masculinity

perhaps it's time

vows for a summer love

love sick

erupt

at peace

stay

inevitable

unattainable

pointless

i know now

i know that girl

hope knows not

the eyes i fear

the mind that dares

a sad truth

i don't know myself

the hell women live

the mediocrity of humanity

tangled up inside myself

monsters

there are no gods

when the dust settles

I am a woman

the war drum of my body

where the love sneaks in

what happens to women who trust

violated

take back the night

barely enough for me

beginnings

and i can almost feel it

in every Ever

drawn to the light

preyed upon

the time it needs to heal

the girl i couldn't save

overshare

a blank page

i would leave me if i could

captive

the beauty of poetry

a lover's autopsy

"good" guys

overwhelmed